My husband has been traveling for his job semi regularly for the last two years. A few months ago, he got a promotion (Great job, honey!) and now he is traveling more often. It’s hard when he is away, but it is a sacrifice that allows him to provide for our family while I stay at home with the kids, so we’ve accepted it pretty well! Usually he is only gone for a few days or during the week once or twice a month, so it really isn’t too bad. I was thinking about this week that he’s been gone and how not terrible it’s been, so I am clearly an expert and will now share my wisdom:
First, as most moms need to about many things to save their sanity, I LOWER MY STANDARDS. As in, probably the kids will get one bath in the four days he is gone, and that’s okay! As in, there will likely be less sleep in the house for everyone and I will be running short on patience. As in, maybe we’ll use paper plates for dinner. Maybe the toys won’t get picked up for a few days. Maybe my hair will go unwashed for several days. You get the picture.
Second, I like to do stuff. Plan to take them out to that one playground we don’t go to that often. Have a little movie or game night. Visit my parents with them. Go out for a walk. Do a craft. Let them get out the play-doh for an hour. They are usually a little cranky that fun daddy is away, so I try to add in one extra-fun-just-because-I-love-you thing each day while he is gone.
Okay, if your spouse has ever been gone more than 3 days in a row while you are at home with young children, you know it is exhausting. You can totally handle it, but it is more tiring than the usual rig-amoral because you have to be responsible for everything for that amount of time. So my next tip is to find a way to have a break. Ask someone for help, even if its just an hour. Put on Paw Patrol and call a friend because you need to talk about something other than good ‘ole Mayor Goodway. I am very lucky that my parents and my in-laws live literally five minutes away and I take advantage! My husband is away as I am writing this and we had dinner at my parents house last night which was a perfect break for me. I didn’t have to cook dinner, I had adult conversation, and someone else who loves my children was there with me to share the load a little. If you aren’t in this situation, I encourage you to find a mom tribe! Talk with other moms from school, at church, or at work. Grow a little community. Before my kids came along, I saw some wonderful families rely on each other at the different daycares where I taught. Often people talk about not having “villages” to help raise our children, but I think we can build our own little communities if we are willing to put the work in to foster new relationships.
I am not a planner by nature. I may ruminate and have several options in my brain for what might occur, but I am a last-minute decision maker for sure. When I know my husband has a trip coming up, though, I have to plan ahead. I check if I have anything scheduled that I need care for the kids. I figure out a general plan for myself to act as a guide, like planning a library trip Tuesday and a craft store trip Wednesday. Usually I even meal plan! (Well my version of meal plan which is to grocery shop with several intended meals but no set day to have each thing.)
The other thing I do is enjoy it! Yes, it’s true, my darling, I enjoy when you are gone and I stay up too late watching reruns of Parks and Rec and catching up on the Voice. Now, my husband would compromise if I really wanted to watch something other than sports when he is home, but I’m not a true TV lover anyway and we have a DVR. So when he is gone, buh-bye ESPN and hello NBC. I also enjoy quiet reading time when he is gone. I even sometimes set little goals for myself to accomplish while he is away. It’s hard to get certain household chores done with the kids afoot, but I hate doing them at night when I’d rather lounge on the couch with my husband, so I try to get through them when he is away.
Another strategy is trying to plan before the trip when we are going to communicate during his time away. He is often a few time zones away, so this gets tricky! He always figures out a good time to call, though, and our kids are so little they usually just want a quick hello and they are reassured.
The last thing is planning family fun for when he returns. We often have Burger King family dates when he gets home on a Friday and the kids love it. A few weeks ago he took the older boys mini-golfing and my oldest has been talking all week about Daddy taking him to mini-golf when he gets back because it’s a special day. So that may be in our future this weekend!
I hope you feel encouraged to tackle your next solo parenting journey with joy instead of dread. You can do it! Comment with your go-to survival tactics!
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